Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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