So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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