You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
