i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
