do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
of course. lets lasso hookers.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
3 2 1 whiskey
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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