her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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