Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
