You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
