The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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