haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Randomize