Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize