I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
