Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
