Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
