whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
