Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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