Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
