my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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