Don't you send me to vm
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
