Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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