Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize