some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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