A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
