I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
