wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize