I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
