Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
