dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize