Dude my mom stole all your condoms
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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