Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
