so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
