You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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