i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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