i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
