ya dads aren't the best wingmen
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
