you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
