how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
