Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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