She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
