well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
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