I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
