I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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