I want to make a zoo with you.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Randomize