people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize