maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The struggles of a small town man whore
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
