omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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