Having a random hookup so left but love u
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
