i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
