I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
