there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize