I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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