It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
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