did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
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