One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
