Define "chronic" masturbator.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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