I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
