She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize