I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize