you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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