I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
420 ftw
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
