They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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