I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
