Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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