You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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