I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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