So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
