singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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